pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's official drugs can't kill me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
