it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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