Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
