I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
