Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
