just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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