if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
