I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
