in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
