how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
