Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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