I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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