You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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