we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Houston, we have a blender
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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