I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
