he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are all done wearing pants today
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
