Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
