I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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