DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
