i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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