omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
