I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
