I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
