would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
