god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
