i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
