How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My bed smells like the plague
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
