I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
