If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
