i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
