Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My penis needs a shock collar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
