Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
