It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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