There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
