im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
