i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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