lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
