at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
