I want to walk on stilts...naked
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
