You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
