i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
