I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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