Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
