this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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