Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
