I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
