apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
