Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
