I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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