so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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